My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
