Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
