I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am available for nakedness
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
