I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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