I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
