If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
