Got a toothbrush?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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