Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
