they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
