the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
