Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
