her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
