Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
