is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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