Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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