dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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