My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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