she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
