1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Your dad touched me again.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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