my sisters under your porch take her home
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
