How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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