Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
