You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
