and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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