it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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