Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
