What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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