just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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