How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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