weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
