We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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