he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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