What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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