And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
