She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
