I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
