Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
