I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize