I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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