I looked at my own cervix.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize