you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
