4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
