I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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