i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
