There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
