During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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