Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize