Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
