She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
