Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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