there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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