I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
