If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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