Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
false alarm. still invincible.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
