I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
