Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You're like the curious george of whores
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
