how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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