im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
