at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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