Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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