Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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