I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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