Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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