never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
