Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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