and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you traded sex for a burrito?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
