I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
