Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
