The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
