We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You were trust falling into bushes
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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