Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I could fuck to npr.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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