i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
