I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
