then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
