it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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