I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
