I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
