After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize