in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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