if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
