Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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