I'm jealous of your bromance
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
